On her IG page this morning, Ese Walter said she married OAP Benny Ark,
just to shut people's mouth up. She revealed that she didn't love him
when they got married two and a half years ago and had issues trusting
him so many months after marriage. She says she has gotten some help and
is currently dealing with all the issues. She shared the photo above
and wrote;
"When I agreed to marry him two and a half years ago, I didn't love him.
Heck I didn't love my own self. I just needed a change of story. I
needed to stop being the girl everyone called an evil mistress and
"graduate" to somebody's Mrs. I thought the Mrs title was going to save
my ass and bring me some sort of redemption. I was wrong.
Calling what happened next a disaster is putting it
mildly. Weeks into living together brought out the worse in both of us. I
thought I made a mistake. I didn't trust him so why was I married to
him. We would argue over everything and I convinced myself I wanted out
despite the baby on the way. In therapy I was able to face my own demons
for the first time. I realised it was never about him or the other guys
I dated. I was always looking for a fix outside of myself. I was always
needing someone to take away the pain and save my lonely self. I was
looking for what I wasn't because I thought that could heal me.
Months of living outside my comfort zone and going where the pain was
brought me face to face with my demons that saved me. I didn't trust him
because I didn't trust me. I couldn't love him because I had no love to
give. I was always blaming him because it was easier to project than
take responsibility. As I started to evolve and see my own self, I was
able to see him for the first time. As I started loving myself, I was
able to love him and now as I learn to trust myself, I am trusting him,
one day at a time. As I lay beside him last night I remembered a quote I
read sometime ago. I don't remember who said it but it read, "when you
love the one you got, the one you got becomes the one you love." When I
stopped trying to change him and let him be, I was able to give room for
his own evolving. He ain't perfect. Who wants perfect anyways? I am
learning that all is as it should be in the Universe, there are no
mistakes only feedback. The Universe brought the one I needed for my
evolving and I am thankful. GRATITUDE is my dominant feeling this
morning. If you are struggling with the one you love, know that the
world's standard of love is fucked up. Vibrate higher and love because
of love.
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